The End of Marriage
As We Know It

"Marriage was originally designed to assist physical survival. With the growth of spiritual consciousness in the world, that model is being replaced by another; a sacred commitment between partners to assist each other's spiritual growth"

"Twin Souls"
Patricia Joudry & Maurie Pressman, M.D.

 

Dutch/Nederlands


Something seems to be seriously wrong with marriage.

During the past 50 years, the rate of divorce in the United States has reached an astonishing level of approximately 50%. And it shows no signs of letting up in the near future. That is a very sobering trend and statistic. 

I've recently contributed to that number and it doesn't feel so good, especially when there are innocent children involved. A smaller group of people has contributed more than once. Most of them probably feel worse than I do and wonder where it all went wrong.

Things haven't changed too much over the ages. The clay tablets of ancient writings tell us that men and women were getting married and divorced thousands of years before the birth of Christ. It didn't seem to work so well then either.

Today's statistics also mean that half of the couples not divorced are still married. But are they all happy and fulfilled? And to what degree? My guess is that most of them are going through the motions and are tired of pretending that all is well. And yet they stay together for so many different reasons. 

Some couples continue to suffer through it all just to have the security and comfort that the legal bond of marriage brings. Others stay together for the children's sake. And there are those who don't want to violate religious dogma and go to hell for eternity. Maybe 5-10% of couples on this planet have a reasonable idea of what it takes to make marriage a lasting and fulfilling relationship. 

Here's a recent quote from the Reuter's news agency...

"The most common living arrangement in the United States consists of unmarried people and no children, which made up one-third of all households in 1998, double the percentage in 1972.
 
Meanwhile, the traditional nuclear family -- a married couple with children -- made up 26 percent of households in 1998, down from 45 percent in 1972, according to a survey conducted by the National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago."

These findings continue to support the notion that something is fundamentally wrong with the marriage experience. The root of the problem has to do with the reasons why people get into relationships in the first place and then end them when the union breaks down. And it can always be traced to the play and influence of our egos. 

Falling in love at the right time with the right person leads us to believe that the union will last forever. As a result, we often find ourselves making, and then breaking, promises that seem to be difficult to keep. It's not unusual for this to happen any number of times throughout our lives, as teenagers, young adults or as seasoned adults. We continue to fall in love and make and break promises believing love would be eternal. 

Something just isn't right. The numbers of couples who will separate from one another today or tomorrow, married or not, speak for themselves. They constantly remind us that something is fundamentally wrong with our relationships. And yet, we are still so caught up in the delirium of falling in love, getting married, mating passionately, having babies and pledging our love for eternity. Yet few individuals have stopped to think about what's really going on with all of this.

What are we missing? Do today's young adults wonder how all of this might affect their own lives someday? Do they care? What can they do? How can we help them from making the same mistakes?

Before I married, not once did anyone come up to me and ask, "what's the real purpose of marriage?" Quite frankly, I suspect that few people could have given me the right response at that time. Why? Because they really didn't know the answer themselves. It just seemed everyone else was doing it, having children and a home was fun. And all of my friends and relatives were into it as well. On top of it all, Hollywood was glorifying falling in love and mushy songs constantly reminded us how wonderful it was.

What really energized the marriage experience was the love between the two people involved. Most of us get married when the intensity behind the relationship is at its greatest, the first 2-3 years. Then one day we wonder what happens after the initial wave of heat and passion has worn off. What do we do now to make our partnership work? What's next?

Anything with a failure rate of at least 50% should scream out to those who are willing to listen that something is fundamentally wrong with the
reasons why people enter long-term romantic relationships. Hopefully, today's young adults are paying attention and asking more questions than I did. 

What is the fundamental problem behind this failure rate? It all has to do with the many ego-driven, fear-based motives that often serve as the basis for long-term relationships. And it has been going on for many, many generations. In other words, they fail because we enter into them for the wrong reasons.

Here are some of those wrong reasons to think about...


Marriage will end my loneliness


I'll have someone to take care of me


My partner will make me happy


I can expect wonderful things
from my partner


It's so romantic to give one's
heart away to another
 


I'll feel complete when I'm with my love


She'll need me and I'll need her


Now she'll belong to me


I can finally just be myself after I'm married


We'll both be able to have some
control over each other


Marriage will make me happy


Now I can expect things from my spouse


My partner will bring meaning to my life


Our combined income will allow us
to accumulate more things


and so on


These beliefs have been the basis for most relationships for a long time and they are still with us. When I speak of the death of marriage, I really mean the end of getting into marriage or long-term partnerships for the wrong reasons. 

Another major problem is that we constantly fall into the trap of falling in love with the "picture" or "vision" of marriage that others paint for us while we grow up. For example, movies, television, books, songs, friends and family combine to influence us as we go through the innocent formative years. This is especially true during our teen and early adult years, when one's hormones flow in abundance. The easy part of falling in love is glorified time and time again in Hollywood and in song after song. After a while that's all we want to do... fall in love and be in relationship.

Then it gets serious. We find ourselves wanting to spend our lifetime with just one other, making babies, having a nice home in the country, and so on. It's so easy to get caught up in the picture that is painted by engagement rings, showers, limos, wedding gowns, receptions, gifts, honeymoons, homes, furniture, TVs, cars, baby's room, and so many other material things. Eventually, reality sets in and 50% of these glorified "pictures" end up in divorce courts. One has to ask, "isn't there something wrong with this picture?" 

Something new is happening today. Change is in the air and it is irreversible. It is happening all over this planet and it is dramatically affecting relationships. It is no accident that current marriages, founded upon old belief systems and man-made religious dogmas, are coming undone at an incredibly fast rate. As the 2160-year old era of ego-based Pisces comes to an end, many traditional beliefs based upon fear are beginning to crumble.

A New Age is upon us, and it is called Aquarius. It is said that all current and future relationships will be affected by its energy and influence. Aquarius does not promote false beliefs nor does it support fear-based thoughts, needs or actions. Aquarius is also ushering in a time of spirituality and it is upon this foundation that we will build for the future. 

The New Age will also raise awareness about the sacred meaning and purpose behind the concepts of soulmates and twin souls, and how these kinds of relationships can help us awaken to our true spiritual nature and heritage.

The excessive materialism of today's marriage relationships will also come to an end. A balance of the spiritual and the material will favor those who choose this path. Those who don't will find it difficult to achieve lasting happiness and fulfillment in their partnerships.

The quote taken from the book "Twin Souls" at the beginning of this article says that one of the main reasons we have been getting married over the ages is to survive in a fear-based physical world. That is so right. The traditional and religious concepts of marriage are, to a great extent, fear-based belief systems. And these belief systems are also coming to an end. 

There's simply no room for ego and fear in the Aquarian energy of love and harmony. Thankfully its vibrations will gradually transform the meaning and reasons for partnerships now and during future lifetimes. And all will benefit because of it. 

For more on relationships, what causes them to fail and what will nurture and promote their long-term growth, please click here.

 

 

 

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