Something seems to be seriously wrong with marriage.
During the past 50 years, the rate of divorce in the United States has
reached an astonishing level of approximately 50%. And it shows no signs of letting
up in the near future. That is a
very sobering trend and statistic. I've recently contributed to that number and it doesn't
feel so good, especially when there are innocent children involved. A smaller group of
people has contributed more than once. Most of them probably feel worse than I do and
wonder where it all went wrong.
Things haven't changed too much over the ages. The clay tablets of ancient writings tell
us that men and women were getting married and divorced thousands of years before the
birth of Christ. It didn't seem to work so well then either.
Today's statistics also mean that half of the couples not divorced are still married. But are
they all happy and fulfilled? And to what degree? My guess is that most of them are going through the
motions and are tired of pretending that all is well. And yet
together for so many different reasons.
continue to suffer through
it all just to have the security and comfort that the legal bond of marriage
brings. Others stay together for the children's sake. And there are those
who don't want to
violate religious dogma and go to hell for eternity. Maybe 5-10% of couples on this planet have
a reasonable idea of what it takes to make marriage a lasting and fulfilling
Here's a recent quote from the Reuter's news agency...
- "The most common
living arrangement in the United States consists of unmarried people and no children,
which made up one-third of all households in 1998, double the percentage in 1972.
- "Meanwhile, the
traditional nuclear family -- a married couple with children -- made up 26 percent of
households in 1998, down from 45 percent in 1972, according to a survey conducted by the
National Opinion Research Center at the University of Chicago."
These findings continue to
support the notion that something is fundamentally wrong with the marriage experience. The
root of the problem has to do with the reasons why people get
into relationships in the first place and then end them when the union breaks
down. And it can always be traced to the play and influence of our egos.
Falling in love at the right time with the
right person leads us to believe that the union will last forever. As a result, we
often find ourselves making, and then breaking, promises that seem to be difficult to keep. It's not unusual for this to happen any number of times throughout our
lives, as teenagers, young adults or as seasoned adults. We continue to fall in love and make and break promises believing love would
Something just isn't right. The numbers of couples who will separate from one another
today or tomorrow, married or not, speak for themselves. They
constantly remind us that something is fundamentally wrong
with our relationships. And yet, we
are still so caught up in the delirium of falling in love, getting married, mating
passionately, having babies and pledging our love for eternity. Yet few
individuals have stopped
to think about what's really going on with all of this.
What are we missing? Do today's young adults wonder
how all of this might affect their own lives someday? Do they care? What can they do? How
can we help them from making the same mistakes?
Before I married, not once did anyone come up and ask me
"what's the real purpose of marriage?" Quite frankly, I suspect that few people
could have given me the right response at that time. Why? Because they really didn't know
the answer themselves. It just seemed everyone else was doing it, having children and a
home was fun. And all of my friends and relatives were into it as well. On top of it all,
Hollywood was glorifying falling in love and mushy songs constantly reminded us how
wonderful it was.
really energized the marriage experience was the love between the two people involved.
Most of us get married when the intensity behind the relationship is at its greatest,
the first 2-3 years. Then one day we wonder what happens after the
initial wave of heat and passion has worn off. What do we do now to make our partnership
work? What's next?
Anything with a failure rate of at least 50% should scream out to those who are willing to
listen that something is fundamentally wrong with the reasons why people enter long-term romantic
relationships. Hopefully, today's young adults are paying attention and asking more
questions than I did.
What is the fundamental problem behind this failure rate? It all has to do with the
many ego-driven, fear-based motives that often serve as the basis for long-term relationships.
And it has been going on for
many, many generations. In other words, they fail because we enter into them for the wrong
Here are some of those wrong reasons to think about...
Marriage will end my
I'll have someone to take care of me
My partner will make me happy
I can expect wonderful things
from my partner
It's so romantic to give one's
heart away to another
I'll feel complete when I'm with my love
She'll need me and I'll need her
Now she'll belong to me
I can finally just be myself after I'm married
We'll both be able to have some
over each other
Marriage will make me happy
Now I can expect things from my spouse
My partner will bring
meaning to my life
Our combined income will allow us
to accumulate more things
and so on
These beliefs have been the basis for most relationships for a long time and they
are still with us. When I speak of the death of marriage, I really mean the end of getting into marriage
or long-term partnerships for the wrong reasons.
Another major problem is that we constantly fall into the trap of falling in love
with the "picture" or "vision" of marriage that
others paint for us while we grow up. For example, movies, television, books, songs,
friends and family combine to influence us as we go through the innocent formative
years. This is
especially true during our teen and early adult years, when one's hormones
flow in abundance. The easy part of falling in love is glorified time and
time again in Hollywood and in song after song. After a while that's all we want to
do... fall in love and be in relationship.
Then it gets
serious. We find ourselves wanting to spend our lifetime
with just one other, making babies, having a nice home in the country, and so on. It's so
easy to get caught up in the picture that is painted by engagement rings, showers, limos, wedding gowns, receptions, gifts, honeymoons, homes, furniture, TVs, cars,
baby's room, and so many other material things. Eventually, reality sets
in and 50% of these glorified "pictures" end up in divorce courts. One has to
ask. Isn't there something wrong with this picture?
Something new is happening today. Change is in the air and it is
irreversible. It is happening all over this planet and it is dramatically
relationships. It is no accident that current marriages, founded upon old belief systems
and man-made religious dogmas, are coming undone at an incredibly fast
rate. As the 2160-year old era of ego-based Pisces comes to an end, many traditional beliefs based upon
fear are beginning to crumble.
A New Age is upon us, and it is called Aquarius. It is said that all
current and future relationships will be affected by its energy and
influence. Aquarius does not promote false
beliefs nor does it support fear-based thoughts, needs or actions. Aquarius is also
ushering in a time of spirituality and it is upon this
foundation that we will build for the future.
The New Age will also raise
awareness about the sacred
meaning and purpose behind the concepts of soulmates and twin souls,
and how these kinds of relationships can help us awaken to our true spiritual nature and
The excessive materialism of today's marriage relationships will also come to an end. A
balance of the spiritual and the material will favor those who choose this path. Those who
don't will find it difficult to achieve lasting happiness and fulfillment in their
The quote taken from the book "Twin Souls" at the beginning of
this article says that one of the main reasons
we have been getting married over the ages is to survive in our fear-based, physical world.
That is so right. The traditional and religious concepts of marriage are, to a
great extent, fear-based belief systems. And these belief systems are also coming to an end.
There's simply no
room for ego and fear in the Aquarian energy of love and harmony. Thankfully
its vibrations will gradually transform the meaning and reasons for
partnerships now and during future lifetimes. And all will benefit because