"Whether you are conscious of it or not, you enter into love affairs because you are seeking God"

Planetary Brother (1991)



Do you ever wonder why we seek to be in relationship with another? Why do we have this built in desire to satisfy that craving? Where did it come from? This urge for coupling is not something we have to be taught. It comes naturally. And it feels so good. Why? Are we reacting to some basic animal instinct to increase the numbers of humans on this planet or is there a more profound, perhaps divine, reason for it all?

Bartholomew the spirit says we enter relationships because we are seeking God. What does that mean? It all starts with the soul. Your soul. That part of you that is a portion or fragment of All That Is. Being part of God, the soul knows everything there is to know. It has all the knowledge it needs. 

What the soul really wants, what it is always seeking, is the experience and feeling of being God. It can only achieve this through love. Said another way, the feeling of love is our experience of God, which is what happens when we "fall in love."

The highest feeling for the soul is to experience Oneness or perfect love with its Source. Along the way towards Oneness, it will begin to experience this desire for ultimate love in various ways, including relationships with others, romantic or otherwise. Partnering with another in a profound act of love, and the feelings that derive from it, is the soul's way discovering that love is the path to the eventual reunion with All That Is. 

There is no doubt that a serious relationship with another plays a big role in our lives. I'm guessing now, but most of us will probably fall in and out of a serious love affair 3-6 times throughout our lives. Why does this happen?

Let's start off with the simplest, but most important reason for all relationships, including romance. We live in a material universe that is made up of opposites. This concept is based on ancient, mystical teachings, which tell us that there is an opposite for everything that exists, including our feelings and emotions. 

This is how we experience the world around us. If we could not make comparisons, we'd never be able to feel cold or hot, light or darkness, health or sickness, anger or joy, up or down, hatred or forgiveness, love or sadness, female or male, and so on.

Our souls want all experiences possible and the emotions and feelings that go with them, because it helps the soul find its way back to God. That is what your soul is really up to all the time. Trying to find and become its Source.

The most important way for us to awaken to the realization of who we really are is through the relationships we have with others. The purpose of these interactions is to constantly remind us that we are not separate from one another.

Falling in love is a very profound experience. There is no doubt that it is one of the most intensely pleasurable feelings we can have. It serves to remind us that love is the highest emotion we can feel and the grandest experience we can have. We need to realize that seeking intimate love with another is no different than seeking it with God. And it is the highest choice we can make.

There are many ways to make relationships as loving and rewarding as possible. Although they really apply to all relationships, I have expressed them below for the romantic kind...

The way to have a lasting and fulfilling relationship is to use it for the purpose it was intended... to be and decide who you really are.

Unconditional love, which contains no judgment, should be the foundation upon which your relationship is built.

You can't love another if you don't love yourself.

Expectations are relationship enders.

When we expect our lover to do this or that and they don't, we get mad and disappointed. The relationship then suffers because of it.

Another relationship ender is needing someone.

We should not look to another to fill a void in ourselves. Rather, in a process of mutual sharing, we should bring a completed sense of self to our partner.

As soon as we need the other, it is an admission that we are lacking in our own wholeness. It can also become an obsession, which throws the relationship out of balance. Never need. It limits and suffocates.

How can we promise to love another for a lifetime, if we cannot love ourselves first?

Always be yourself. Never pretend. If either one of the two partners finds this difficult, then an imperfection is in need of balancing and healing.

Do not believe that falling in love will make you happy and end your loneliness. Each of us must find happiness, balance and wholeness within ourselves first. Then we share this inner completion and happiness with the other.

When a relationship ends, it may have been entered into for the wrong reasons; or for the right reasons before ego got in the way. 

Jealousy and competition have no place in a relationship. If it is present, something is out of balance within the individual and needs to be healed.

When two people express their undying love for one another, that does not mean they own their partner.

Total freedom, not limitation and restraint, is the key to successful relationships.

Fear-based emotions have no place in a spiritual relationship.

All sexuality within the relationship should be used to celebrate the love that exists. Sexuality can be as passionate as it can be sacred.

Never let a relationship cause you to lose your identity or sense of Self. Relationships should empower, since they help to remind us who we really are.

If you do not love yourself, others and your Source unconditionally, relationships will be a constant challenge.

Never feel you have to prove your love to the other. Just be yourself, imperfections and all. If that's not enough, the relationship will become fragile and out of balance.

All relationships will end when they no longer serve the purpose of spiritual growth. When that happens, release each other with unconditional love and move on with your lives.

If you do not see one another as two souls on a sacred journey, then the reason for the relationship is no longer serving a spiritual purpose.


"When we begin to discuss deep, personal relationships, we are led to talk about unconditional love; because that is the eventual goal. And unconditional love cannot be experienced without help from the Source itself. With that help, it is possible one day to realize you have left possessive, dependent love behind."

Planetary Brother (1991)


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