Everyone who has been in love knows that there are different stages to
romance. Each plays a different role in the total drama of relationship.
Understanding how they fit together, and where the biggest dangers lie can make our unions far more successful. The
reason why is simple. As we awaken to our spiritual side, we begin we
become more mindful of the ego, and its negative influence in our love
biggest problem with all relationships is the ego.
Most romantic unions end because of its effect on our choices and
actions. Without the ego there would be no fear, anger, judgment,
insecurity, needs, expectations, control, jealousy, clinging, or other
negative influences that suffocate and weaken relationships.
is a brief description of a typical romance. Each stage differs in nature
and intensity. It also describes how one's ego can cause problems and unnecessary heartache…
In the beginning of every romantic union, there is a magical attraction of one partner for the other.
This emotional quickening, or soul recognition, can
occur when there is eye-to-eye contact, a haunting remembrance of the
other's voice, an inexplicable knowingness that resonates deep within when in the other's
presence, a curious sense of instantaneous friendship, pleasure, and
excitement when together, and so on.
exchange of soul-to-soul
energy between two lovers, which can take place without words
being spoken, happens because the two individuals planned
it that way prior to incarnating. That is why they recognize one another, and sense that something is different. It's like finding a long lost friend, but
far more profound.
After two individuals have interacted for a while, their energies continue
to blend and overlap. They reach a point where
desire to be with one another builds in
intensity. Thoughts of the other begin to distract and dominate. At this point both
partners are usually on their best behavior when sharing time together.
with the growing feelings is the wondering. What does the other think of me?
Does he or she like me? Am I the only one who feels this way? Should I call,
should I wait? Should we go out, or should I give it more time? Do I bring
her flowers, or would that be too much?
questions and doubts are the ego's way of trying to prevent serious love
from birthing. And there is a reason for it. Where there are powerful
feelings of love, ego cannot exist. It loses its control over one's thinking,
and tries to prevent love at all costs.
at this time in the relationship the ego's influence is being tempered and
offset by growing feelings of love and romance. If one allows ego to
dominate, the relationship will be difficult. If one
minimizes the ego, the new relationship can unfold easily and
At some point,
perhaps 4-8 months into the relationship, powerful feelings and surges
of love and passion become intense and uncontrollable. Mentally and
physically the two lovers are experiencing a oneness never thought
ecstasy of their new found love is emotionally overwhelming. The feelings experienced during
this time of the relationship begin to solidify the
partnership to where the lovers are inseparable. At this point, the ego has little influence over the union because the forces of love are too intense. The partners love
few lovers today realize is that they have now been joined together
according to plans made prior to incarnating. There can be several reasons for
this. Perhaps it is to heal past karma, or maybe it is for the lessons
that can be learned from such a union. Or it might set the stage for a
prolonged or lifetime partnership. Nevertheless, there are always
reasons for falling in love. It never happens by accident.
The nurturing stage: After the
passion and intensity begins to mellow, and the initial
glow subsides, the partners now settle into the union. This is the first dangerous
explosive intensity of falling in love kept ego at bay,
but that energy is now calming down and smoothing out. Ego waits patiently for this opening, and
will try to disable the union with judgments, fear, guilt and other devious
this is when ego-based actions such as expectations, needs, wants,
controls, clinging, insecurities, jealousies, and the like come to the
surface. One of the purposes of relationships is to do just that. We need to
know what imperfections are hiding within our makeup so that we
can heal and balance them.
The spiritually mature couple will recognize this, and
nurture and encourage mutual unconditional love in their union. If this does
not occur, the partnership can be far less rewarding. This is the point in the relationship
when one really has to be on guard for the negative influence of the
this stage, ego and love will be competing with one another to
define the overall quality of the union.
second emotional stage: After the
partners have been together for a while they will, if conditions are right,
pledge their love for one another, and decide to partner for a long time.
spiritually mature, the couple will already have experienced, to some
degree, the presence of the ego in their relationship. Assuming
love has won out when that happened, their relationship will be intact.
The quality of their bonding will be defined by the proportion of ego and love they allow to enter into their union. If there is more ego than love,
the union is tainted and weak. If there is more love than ego, the coupling is
healthy and strong.
the prospect of marriage or long-term commitment unfold, the
excitement that goes with it normally shifts the ego/love
balance in favor of love. This stage of the affair is usually filled with
lots of promise, plans, happiness and
dreams. This positive energy carries the day until the honeymoon is over,
and the couple are a year or two into the committed union.
of a sudden, the energy of love begins to mellow once again, and ego is
there to make its presence felt.
term partnership and creating life:
In almost all cases, we enter long-term partnerships with our soul mates.
Relatively few couples are spiritually
mature enough today for lasting twin
couplings, in which lovers live with one another on a daily basis,
provide the greatest opportunities and the most difficult tests. Because
of their continuous emotional involvement, they can be very rewarding,
disastrous, or something in between. It always depends upon how much ego
or love the couple wish to define their union with.
and prolonged soul
mate relationships are always about healing karma, learning life
lessons, or both. Either way, ego will try to
interfere with these efforts, and cause the union to suffer and weaken. Love will do
in partnership with another over many years will provide countless
opportunities to learn patience, acceptance, tolerance, and forgiveness,
all of which are part of unconditional love. Ego will do all it can to prevent this from happening.
give and take struggle between love and the ego is what we are meant to
experience and feel. Relationships bring these conflicting feelings and emotions to
the surface so that we can make higher, love-based choices or lesser,
ego-driven ones. Those made in love add positive karma. Those made from
the ego result in negative karma. As always, we have the free will to
choose which it will be.
relationships usually bring children into the world. Their presence
also provides opportunities for the kinds of choices we make. The entire
drama of being in long-term partnership with a family will constantly pit love against ego.
In every instance, we are free to react to it all as we wish. Some decisions we
will bring us closer to unconditional love, while others can shift us
towards fear and ego.
God gave us the gift
of soul mate relationships, and many lifetimes to heal and balance the ego-based
imperfections we have accumulated since the Fall of mankind millions of
years ago. In doing so, we get closer and closer to remembering who we
really are, and re-establish our natural state of God-centeredness. These
two things are crucial, because they lead to lasting twin soul reunion,
and the indescribable ecstasy that comes from it.