The Six Stages of Romance
Everyone who has been in love knows that there are different stages to romance. Each plays a different role in the total drama of relationship. Understanding how they fit together, and where the biggest dangers lie can make our unions far more successful. The reason why is simple. As we awaken to our spiritual side, we begin we become more mindful of the ego, and its negative influence in our love affairs.
The biggest problem with all relationships is the ego. Most romantic unions end because of its effect on our choices and actions. Without the ego there would be no fear, anger, judgment, insecurity, needs, expectations, control, jealousy, clinging, or other negative influences that suffocate and weaken relationships.
Below is a brief description of a typical romance. Each stage differs in nature and intensity. It also describes how one's ego can cause problems and unnecessary heartache…
Soul recognition: In the beginning of every romantic union, there is a magical attraction of one partner for the other.
This emotional quickening, or soul recognition, can occur when there is eye-to-eye contact, a haunting remembrance of the other's voice, an inexplicable knowingness that resonates deep within when in the other's presence, a curious sense of instantaneous friendship, pleasure, and excitement when together, and so on.
The exchange of soul-to-soul energy between two lovers, which can take place without words being spoken, happens because the two individuals planned it that way prior to incarnating. That is why they recognize one another, and sense that something is different. It's like finding a long lost friend, but far more profound.
Wondering: After two individuals have interacted for a while, their energies continue to blend and overlap. They reach a point where the desire to be with one another builds in intensity. Thoughts of the other begin to distract and dominate. At this point both partners are usually on their best behavior when sharing time together.
Along with the growing feelings is the wondering. What does the other think of me? Does he or she like me? Am I the only one who feels this way? Should I call, or should I wait? Should we go out, or should I give it more time? Do I bring her flowers, or would that be too much?
These kinds of questions and doubts are the ego's way of trying to prevent serious love from birthing. And there is a reason for it. Where there are powerful feelings of love, ego cannot exist. It loses its control over one's thinking, and tries to prevent love at all costs.
However, at this time in the relationship the ego's influence is being tempered and offset by growing feelings of love and romance. If one allows ego to dominate, the relationship will be difficult. If one minimizes the ego, the new relationship can unfold easily and naturally.
Emotional ecstasy: At some point, perhaps 4-8 months into the relationship, powerful feelings and surges of love and passion become intense and uncontrollable. Mentally and physically the two lovers are experiencing a oneness never thought possible.
The ecstasy of their new found love is emotionally overwhelming. The feelings experienced during this time of the relationship begin to solidify the partnership to where the lovers are inseparable. At this point, the ego has little influence over the union because the forces of love are too intense. The partners love everything!
What few lovers today realize is that they have now been joined together according to plans made prior to incarnating. There can be several reasons for this. Perhaps it is to heal past karma, or maybe it is for the lessons that can be learned from such a union. Or it might set the stage for a prolonged or lifetime partnership. Nevertheless, there are always reasons for falling in love. It never happens by accident.
The nurturing stage: After the passion and intensity begins to mellow, and the initial glow subsides, the partners now settle into the union. This is the first dangerous phase.
The initial, explosive intensity of falling in love kept ego at bay, but that energy is now calming down and smoothing out. Ego waits patiently for this opening, and will try to disable the union with judgments, fear, guilt and other devious means.
Typically this is when ego-based actions such as expectations, needs, wants, controls, clinging, insecurities, jealousies, and the like come to the surface. One of the purposes of relationships is to do just that. We need to know what imperfections are hiding within our makeup so that we can heal and balance them.
The spiritually mature couple will recognize this, and nurture and encourage mutual unconditional love in their union. If this does not occur, the partnership can be far less rewarding. This is the point in the relationship when one really has to be on guard for the negative influence of the ego.
During this stage, ego and love will be competing with one another to define the overall quality of the union.
The second emotional stage: After the partners have been together for a while they will, if conditions are right, pledge their love for one another, and decide to partner for a long time.
Unless spiritually mature, the couple will already have experienced, to some degree, the presence of the ego in their relationship. Assuming love has won out when that happened, their relationship will be intact.
The quality of their bonding will be defined by the proportion of ego and love they allow to enter into their union. If there is more ego than love, the union is tainted and weak. If there is more love than ego, the coupling is healthy and strong.
Should the prospect of marriage or long-term commitment unfold, the excitement that goes with it normally shifts the ego/love balance in favor of love. This stage of the affair is usually filled with lots of promise, plans, happiness and dreams. This positive energy carries the day until the honeymoon is over, and the couple are a year or two into the committed union.
All of a sudden, the energy of love begins to mellow once again, and ego is there to make its presence felt.
Long term partnership and creating life: In almost all cases, we enter long-term partnerships with our soul mates. Relatively few couples are spiritually mature enough today for lasting twin soul union.
Long-term couplings, in which lovers live with one another on a daily basis, provide the greatest opportunities and the most difficult tests. Because of their continuous emotional involvement, they can be very rewarding, disastrous, or something in between. It always depends upon how much ego or love the couple wish to define their union with.
Intense and prolonged soul mate relationships are always about healing karma, learning life lessons, or both. Either way, ego will try to interfere with these efforts, and cause the union to suffer and weaken. Love will do the opposite.
Being in partnership with another over many years will provide countless opportunities to learn patience, acceptance, tolerance, and forgiveness, all of which are part of unconditional love. Ego will do all it can to prevent this from happening.
This give and take struggle between love and the ego is what we are meant to experience and feel. Relationships bring these conflicting feelings and emotions to the surface so that we can make higher, love-based choices or lesser, ego-driven ones. Those made in love add positive karma. Those made from the ego result in negative karma. As always, we have the free will to choose which it will be.
Long-term relationships usually bring children into the world. Their presence also provides opportunities for the kinds of choices we make. The entire drama of being in long-term partnership with a family will constantly pit love against ego. In every instance, we are free to react to it all as we wish. Some decisions we will bring us closer to unconditional love, while others can shift us towards fear and ego.
God gave us the gift of soul mate relationships, and many lifetimes to heal and balance the ego-based imperfections we have accumulated since the Fall of mankind millions of years ago. In doing so, we get closer and closer to remembering who we really are, and re-establish our natural state of God-centeredness. These two things are crucial, because they lead to lasting twin soul reunion, and the indescribable ecstasy that comes from it.