I entered the Earth
plane on September 2, 1941 in Manhattan, New York. My parents and my
sister, whom I chose prior to incarnating, were waiting for me with lots
of love and affection. I could not have made a better choice. Little did
I know it then, but another wonderful sibling, my brother, would follow
16 years later.
I was also
surrounded by wonderful aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a simple
existence filled with lots of caring and wholesome times together. Looking
back over the years and thinking about each of them one by one, I
realize I am extremely blessed to have them as part of my soul family.
I eventually moved to New
Jersey when I was eleven. My father was doing well in business, and
yet my parents maintained a relatively simple lifestyle.
through high school and my first 4 years in college, there were a few bumps in the road for me but, all in all, life was
good, really good.
I had lots of fun with some very wonderful friends and young ladies,
some of whom I fell in love with. I wish I knew then what I know now
about the sacredness of relationships.
During May 1970, I
finished my Ph.D. degree in the sciences, joined Warner-Lambert, then
Richardson-Vicks, met my former wife there, moved to Connecticut, had
(and still have) two wonderful children, climbed the R&D management ranks for the
next 13 years and continued having a generally good time of it.
I was in control of
my life, I worked very hard, and things always seemed to fall into
place because of it. But, through it all, two things gnawed the back of my mind. My marriage relationship was not getting stronger over the years,
Catholic teachings I grew up with didn't make much sense or feel right
Going to church on
Sundays became a robotic, mindless exercise. The only
thing that felt good was the very deep closeness I felt for Jesus and
his teachings. Many
were the times I would look into His eyes and cry without knowing why. At that point in my life, I
had no idea what God was about. What my religion taught me about my
creator made no
sense in the mind or the heart.
During 1985, my life
seemed to peak. I was offered a vice-presidency position in my company but
5 months later Proctor and Gamble bought us out. That was the
beginning of a 16-year life crisis. From that point forward, even though
Proctor management increased my responsibilities and offered me a
terrific position at corporate
headquarters 3 years later, I chose not
to go because of several compelling family reasons. That was 1988.
For the next 10
years, my life unraveled in ways I never thought possible. No matter what
I did or how hard I tried things just didn't work anymore. It had nothing to
do with my abilities. I hit one brick wall after another because of
events that unexpectedly came out of nowhere and disrupted the flow of
I didn't realize it at the
time but God and I were heading for a "one on one" experience, and
it took a while for me to realize what was going on.
For the next 10 years, almost all of life's normal distractions were stripped
away from me so that a much larger and more purposeful drama could forever alter my
inner world, and the profound spiritual journey I would begin.
crisis, or a dark night of the soul experience can come
in different forms, and varying degrees. When severe, the pain,
suffering, and the threat of mental and physical breakdown can be very
debilitating. It's all about the "death" of
and then surrendering all to God, not with resignation, but with
gratitude and love in one's heart. From what I understand, we'll all go through
this kind of testing and awakening experience sooner or later, and more than once during our cosmic
I had to experience
financial ruin, a difficult divorce, the pain and anguish it caused my
children, loss of one's home, several business failures, loss
of one's career, lack of employment, loss of control over one's life, runaway debt,
back taxes unpaid, qualifying for bankruptcy, loss of family life, lack
of purpose and fulfillment, profound loneliness and despair, years of
intense depression, loss of confidence and self-esteem, loss of
identity, major decisions gone wrong, borrowing from family to
survive, and failing as a head of household as part of my dark night
drama. When added together in such a
short period of time, the weight of it all became unbearable, and brought
me to the point where it was extremely difficult to function normally in
crisis started to intensify during the summer of 1991, I also began to awaken
spiritually because of a New Age/metaphysical book, Seth
Speaks, that my sister gave me
out of the clear blue. As I began to read it, something big began to stir
inside me I never knew existed before. That book led to many more, and
as of today I've
devoured well over 400 of them.
as I began to awaken to who I really am, I found myself in
more crisis and upheaval. Now it was my inner world that was coming
apart in so many different ways. The spiritual wisdom and universal truths in these
books were seriously threatening my fear-based ego, and the many false
beliefs it had created for me over the years and throughout my many lifetimes.
So there I was. My external world was falling apart all around me. At
the same time,
my inner world of false beliefs, which had defined who I thought I was
for most of my life while enjoying the pleasures and
comforts of the
material world, was doing the same thing. It was a painful, sordid mess.
Incredibly, all of this
asking for God's help in 1991. At that time, my agenda and God's
priorities were quite different. I have since learned that when you say
help me please!" you'd better put your seat belt on,
drop all of your expectations, and trust and accept what comes.
During the late fall of 1997, while in the depths of despair and
hopelessness, I began to read several books that helped me
understand that there was such a thing as a dark night of the
soul experience and the reasons behind it. It also helped to know that many
others have gone through the same experience and were spiritually
transformed because of it. At that point, I promised God I would do all I
help others in spiritual crisis.
This web site was a part of that promise. Between
1998 and into the new millennium, it has expanded well beyond that original promise, and it
serves as a healthy outlet for my desire to
serve humanity in some meaningful way.
Today I believe I am
slowly coming out of my dark night experience. It began during the fall of
1998 when I was so depressed I
thought I would die from weakness and a profound sense of hopelessness. I had very little life
force left in me at that point in my life. I told God that I would leave
that my brother paid for and walk the streets with Him if necessary just
like the Peace Pilgrim did. I swore that when my lease was due for renewal the following May, I would no longer borrow a dime
from family for the rent, food and other bills. And He knew it.
anticipation of leaving my cottage, I slowly started moving some of my
personal belongings back into my brother's garage. A short time later an
unusual event occurred that unexpectedly brought some money into my life
after 18 months of unemployment and being destitute. Since that time, several other
synchronous events have appeared as if by magic bringing me the modest abundance I need to support
my simple needs.
(early 2000s) I
lead a very simple life. I can pay my bills without having to borrow from family.
There's not much left over with two children just finishing college, but
that is just fine. My philosophy is to stay in the moment, let Spirit lead the way, and try to trust
and accept whatever comes. I call it my God-Spot. When I am in that place
all is fine, everything works, I'm at peace and fully secure. When I
drift a bit from that sacred space, things just don't feel right to me.
as a result of my radical spiritual awakening and staying in the moment
with Spirit, I find I am
no longer living as I once did. On the contrary, I go through each day
still in the world, but detached from the
3-dimensional life that is going on
around me. Perhaps it is because I no longer feel I'm a part of consensus
reality nor do I find myself rooted in the rat race, the fears, and the urge to
survive in the material world anymore. I simply view my
role in it very differently these days. There are times this newfound
perspective of detachment truly amazes me. And, yet my heart tells me I'm on the right path.
Why? Because I've never felt this free
these new insights in mind, I look back on it all with a deep sense of
humility, love, and reverence for those who were part of my life-drama, as
I was part of theirs. I love them dearly, and bless the
experiences we shared with one another for good reason.
I am healing the relationship I once had with my former partner with
unconditional love, and always try to support her ongoing, personal
journey. She is a very wonderful spirit. My children and I have grown closer
because of our experience together. Any remaining scars they may have will heal as
they move through life and realize that their father never really
intended to hurt them. I'm still learning and growing myself, as they
Most importantly, I've fallen deeply in
love with God. This is a miracle that brings tears of joy to my eyes
every time I think about it. I am so grateful to Spirit and all of those who have been a part of my lifetime for
allowing me to have had this incredible experience. For the first time in my
life, I can honestly say that I have a very good sense of who I really am,
and what I'm really doing here.
I'm also wiser now as I write this story, much wiser in the ways and
mysteries of God. I realize that I am on a long, cosmic journey that
will eventually lead back to my Source and the indescribable joy that
goes with it. This lifetime is just a tiny piece of
that incredible ongoing adventure without end.
Today my fondest wish is to serve God and
humanity during this lifetime in some meaningful way. In the meantime, I simply say
"Spirit, I'll accept
whatever You bring into my life. You know what is best for me." This
can be a very challenging path to walk at times, but it's the only way of
life that makes sense to me.