ABOUT THE 
AUTHOR

 

 
 

I entered the Earth plane on September 2, 1941 in Manhattan, New York. My parents and my sister, whom I chose prior to incarnating, were waiting for me with lots of love and affection. I could not have made a better choice. Little did I know it then, but another wonderful sibling, my brother, would follow 16 years later. 

I was also surrounded by wonderful aunts, uncles and cousins. It was a simple existence filled with lots of caring and wholesome times together. Looking back over the years and thinking about each of them one by one, I realize I am extremely blessed to have them as part of my soul family.    

I eventually moved to New Jersey when I was eleven. My father was doing well in business, and yet my parents maintained a relatively simple lifestyle.

Up through high school and my first 4 years in college, there were a few bumps in the road for me but, all in all, life was good, really good. I had lots of fun with some very wonderful friends and young ladies, some of whom I fell in love with. I wish I knew then what I know now about the sacredness of relationships.

During May 1970, I finished my Ph.D. degree in the sciences, joined Warner-Lambert, then Richardson-Vicks, met my former wife there, moved to Connecticut, had (and still have) two wonderful children, climbed the R&D management ranks for the next 13 years and continued having a generally good time of it. 

I was in control of my life, I worked very hard, and things always seemed to fall into place because of it. But, through it all, two things gnawed the back of my mind. My marriage relationship was not getting stronger over the years, and the Catholic teachings I grew up with didn't make much sense or feel right to me. 

Going to church on Sundays became a robotic, mindless exercise. The only thing that felt good was the very deep closeness I felt for Jesus and his teachings. Many were the times I would look into His eyes and cry without knowing why. At that point in my life, I had no idea what God was about. What my religion taught me about my creator made no sense in the mind or the heart.

During 1985, my life seemed to peak. I was offered a vice-presidency position in my company but 5 months later Proctor and Gamble bought us out. That was the beginning of a 16-year life crisis. From that point forward, even though Proctor management increased my responsibilities and offered me a terrific position at corporate headquarters 3 years later, I chose not to go because of several compelling family reasons. That was 1988. 

For the next 10 years, my life unraveled in ways I never thought possible. No matter what I did or how hard I tried things just didn't work anymore. It had nothing to do with my abilities. I hit one brick wall after another because of events that unexpectedly came out of nowhere and disrupted the flow of my life. 

I didn't realize it at the time but God and I were heading for a "one on one" experience, and it took a while for me to realize what was going on. For the next 10 years, almost all of life's normal distractions were stripped away from me so that a much larger and more purposeful drama could forever alter my inner world, and the profound spiritual journey I would begin.   

Spiritual crisis, or a dark night of the soul experience can come in different forms, and varying degrees. When severe, the pain, suffering, and the threat of mental and physical breakdown can be very debilitating. It's all about the "death" of ego, and then surrendering all to God, not with resignation, but with gratitude and love in one's heart. From what I understand, we'll all go through this kind of testing and awakening experience sooner or later, and more than once during our cosmic journey.  

I had to experience financial ruin, a difficult divorce, the pain and anguish it caused my children, loss of one's home, several business failures, loss of one's career, lack of employment, loss of control over one's life, runaway debt, back taxes unpaid, qualifying for bankruptcy, loss of family life, lack of purpose and fulfillment, profound loneliness and despair, years of intense depression, loss of confidence and self-esteem, loss of identity, major decisions gone wrong, borrowing from family to survive, and failing as a head of household as part of my dark night drama. When added together in such a short period of time, the weight of it all became unbearable, and brought me to the point where it was extremely difficult to function normally in everyday life.

When my crisis started to intensify during the summer of 1991, I also began to awaken spiritually because of a New Age/metaphysical book, Seth Speaks, that my sister gave me out of the clear blue. As I began to read it, something big began to stir inside me I never knew existed before. That book led to many more, and as of today I've devoured well over 400 of them.

Surprisingly, as I began to awaken to who I really am, I found myself in more crisis and upheaval. Now it was my inner world that was coming apart in so many different ways. The spiritual wisdom and universal truths in these books were seriously threatening my fear-based ego, and the many false beliefs it had created for me over the years and throughout my many lifetimes.

So there I was. My external world was falling apart all around me. At the same time, my inner world of false beliefs, which had defined who I thought I was for most of my life while enjoying the pleasures and comforts of the material world, was doing the same thing. It was a painful, sordid mess. 

Incredibly, all of this happened after asking for God's help in 1991. At that time, my agenda and God's priorities were quite different. I have since learned that when you say "God, help me please!" you'd better put your seat belt on, drop all of your expectations, and trust and accept what comes.

During the late fall of 1997, while in the depths of despair and hopelessness, I began to read several books that helped me understand that there was such a thing as a dark night of the soul experience and the reasons behind it. It also helped to know that many others have gone through the same experience and were spiritually transformed because of it. At that point, I promised God I would do all I can to help others in spiritual crisis. 

This web site was a part of that promise. Between 1998 and into the new millennium, it has expanded well beyond that original promise, and it serves as a healthy outlet for my desire to serve humanity in some meaningful way.     

Today I believe I am slowly coming out of my dark night experience. It began during the fall of 1998 when I was so depressed I thought I would die from weakness and a profound sense of hopelessness. I had very little life force left in me at that point in my life. I told God that I would leave the humble cottage that my brother paid for and walk the streets with Him if necessary just like the Peace Pilgrim did. I swore that when my lease was due for renewal the following May, I would no longer borrow a dime from family for the rent, food and other bills. And He knew it.

In anticipation of leaving my cottage, I slowly started moving some of my personal belongings back into my brother's garage. A short time later an unusual event occurred that unexpectedly brought some money into my life after 18 months of unemployment and being destitute. Since that time, several other synchronous events have appeared as if by magic bringing me the modest abundance I need to support my simple needs. 

Today (early 2000s) I lead a very simple life. I can pay my bills without having to borrow from family. There's not much left over with two children just finishing college, but that is just fine. My philosophy is to stay in the moment, let Spirit lead the way, and try to trust and accept whatever comes. I call it my God-Spot. When I am in that place all is fine, everything works, I'm at peace and fully secure. When I drift a bit from that sacred space, things just don't feel right to me.  

Interestingly, as a result of my radical spiritual awakening and staying in the moment with Spirit, I find I am no longer living as I once did. On the contrary, I go through each day still in the world, but detached from the 3-dimensional life that is going on around me. Perhaps it is because I no longer feel I'm a part of consensus reality nor do I find myself rooted in the rat race, the fears, and the urge to survive in the material world anymore. I simply view my role in it very differently these days. There are times this newfound perspective of detachment truly amazes me. And, yet my heart tells me I'm on the right path. Why? Because I've never felt this free before.

With these new insights in mind, I look back on it all with a deep sense of humility, love, and reverence for those who were part of my life-drama, as I was part of theirs. I love them dearly, and bless the experiences we shared with one another for good reason.

Thankfully, I am healing the relationship I once had with my former partner with unconditional love, and always try to support her ongoing, personal journey. She is a very wonderful spirit. My children and I have grown closer because of our experience together. Any remaining scars they may have will heal as they move through life and realize that their father never really intended to hurt them. I'm still learning and growing myself, as they are     

Most importantly, I've fallen deeply in love with God. This is a miracle that brings tears of joy to my eyes every time I think about it. I am so grateful to Spirit and all of those who have been a part of my lifetime for allowing me to have had this incredible experience. For the first time in my life, I can honestly say that I have a very good sense of who I really am, and what I'm really doing here.

I'm also wiser now as I write this story, much wiser in the ways and mysteries of God. I realize that I am on a long, cosmic journey that will eventually lead back to my Source and the indescribable joy that goes with it. This lifetime is just a tiny piece of that incredible ongoing adventure without end.

        Today my fondest wish is to serve God and humanity during this lifetime in some meaningful way. In the meantime, I simply say "Spirit, I'll accept whatever You bring into my life. You know what is best for me." This can be a very challenging path to walk at times, but it's the only way of life that makes sense to me. 




E-Mail       Home