Dark Night of the Soul
Real Life Experiences
"Dark Night of the
Soul” - Party in the Pit
Charlotte - Denmark
I have just been
inspired to write something about ”Dark Night of the Soul” (DNS).This
dark place of nothingness, also known as the cave, pit, black hole, void
to name a few.
I don’t claim, by
any stretch of the imagination, to be an expert on the subject or have
the magic solution. But I HAVE BEEN THERE! I KNOW WHAT IT FEELS LIKE. So
here we go:
I am lucky to
have drawn a winning ticket in the lottery called life. I have lovely
parents, good friends, been blessed with some skills, travelled the
world many times over and had fantastic experiences along the way.
I have always been well provided for in every area. Unlike many
others, who have entered the DNS, I have thankfully been spared from
major losses, illnesses and disasters. So why can I just not be happy
and get on with my life?
Looking back, I
can now see the DNS has been creeping up on me for many years. I
remember telling a friend that I felt like I was living in a big void of
nothingness despite all the good things I had going for me in my life. I
said this so many times that it must have sounded like the needle was
stuck in the same place on the record. Thank god for his patience.
It wasn’t until I
came home from a seminar in London in the beginning of January 2006 when
the heavy presence of the DNS could no longer be ignored. I was so ill
that I didn’t leave my bed for 2 weeks. I also noticed that I had become
extremely sensitive to sounds and light and didn’t enjoy others company
anymore. The things I used to enjoy weren’t interesting anymore and I
couldn’t relate to my friends the same way I used to. I just didn’t feel
I fitted in anywhere.
became more and more difficult. I tried everything I could think off to
get out the pit I found myself stuck in. I tried to struggle my way out
but the harder I tried, the deeper I feel in. At the end, I was no way
nearer to getting out but I was left totally exhausted mentally and
physically. I felt I was half dead.
NO words can
describe the feeling of hopelessness, frustration, anger, sadness,
helplessness, loneliness and desperation I
felt. I have never been a religious person and
you wouldn’t find me in church on Sundays. However, I have always been
interested in spirituality and energy but it never even occur to me that
this could be the spiritual crisis and initiation that it is.
For 18 month I saw my life
falling apart and just getting out of bed proved to be an increasing
difficult task. It was like being stuck in a big black hole, a total
melt down. There seemed to be nothing I could do about it!
4 month ago I had a session
with, in my opinion, one of this world’s best channels Gregory Possman
from USA. This session probably saved me from many years in the pit and
from going totally mad. The reason for my problems became very clear: I
was in deeply buried in the ”The Dark Night of the Soul” experience.
This was the
first time I had heard of The Dark Night of the Soul even though I had
read a fair amount of books on spiritual subjects - It had just never
caught my attention as it had nothing to do with ME!
surprising little written on the subject in books and on the web.
Apparently, Mother Theresa found herself in the DNS for 50 yrs and
stayed there until her death. It is said that all spiritual leaders have
gone through it? But how many have actually been willing to talk about
it. Not many. Even Mother Theresa kept it a secret.
I did find a few
of useful websites and one of them stated the symptoms of DNS. I was no
longer in doubt. This was it - I recognised it all.
depression, despair and loneliness, Loss of energy, chronic exhaustion
not linked to a physical disorder, Loss of control over ones personal
and/or professional direction in life, Unusual sensitivity to light,
sound and other environmental factors, Anger, frustration, lack of
patience, Loss of identity, purpose and meaning to life, withdrawal from
lives everyday routines, a feeling of abandonment of God,
inadequacy, lack of self confidence and self esteem.
I sort of
understand the main aspects DNS even though I still don’t get the full
picture. It is a deep spiritual crisis where your ego slowly dissolves
and you connect to your soul before totally surrender to GOD ect
ect…something like that anyway.
it’s a process where you are in manure up to your neck and have to find
the path to higher consciousness whilst being blindfolded. All very
well!! But where is the exit of this ungodly place? How do I get out?
What are the tools, what is the direction, where is the manual? HELP!
Unfortunately I have come to
understand that DNS does not come with an easy read manual and 10 minute
recipe. There is no manual, no right words, no easily acquired tools…You
are on your own - this is your journey - so just put your boots on and
start walking. The manual, the right words and tools will turn up at the
right time along the way….Hopefully.
On paper, this
should be an easy ride - For Gods sake, how hard can it be to deal with
your shadow sides and surrender to love and light??? It’s
probably the hardest thing you will EVER have to do. It feels like a
small death - because that is exactly what it is. The death of your ego,
the end to life as you know it and the last of the old you.
Dark night of the soul is that dark gray area
of nothingness and hopeless-ness you are stuck in whilst your ego
dissolves. Most of us check in for longer than an extended weekend
because our ego knows how to fight and resist. The ego will fight for
its dear life right to the bitter end. It will feel like being in a void
because everything has fallen apart and nothing new has taken its place.
And the most depressing news is:
THERE IS NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT
You are not
supposed to do anything because there is nothing you can do! You are in
the PIT remember?!. On the contraire, being in the pit requires you to
just BE. It demands that you become a human-being instead of a
or shuts down around you so you have all the time in the world to
connect to yourself, feel your feelings, learn about your shadow side,
love, accept and appreciation and not least - listen to your own soul
and ultimately surrender to the will of God.
So by doing
nothing - you actually doing everything. What you may conceive as a
total failure is actually success.
It doesn’t sound too hard does
it? Trust me it is! I don’t think the word easy has ever appeared in the
same sentence as DNS. This aspect for me has probably been one of the
hardest to accept. The feeling that I could not do anything to make my
In this world we
learn that if we have a problem, we find a solution and we fix it. The
ego like doing things and it just does not enjoy letting go and do
I have been very
frustrated and my inner dialog has often sounded something like this:
What am I
supposed to do here….??? For god sake - LET ME OUT! And NOW would be a
good time!…UHU…anybody out there? Now would also be a good
It’s just not
much fun being stuck in the pit all alone and see the world outside
passes you by. The longer I am in here, the more my life seems to slow
down to the extent where the pit snails look like 100 meter Olympic
running champions in comparison. It has just become increasingly hard to
remain positive and patient. It feels like checking out from life for a
while. In this part of the world, it’s just very hard to do that. The
bills still flies through the door in an all predictable and steady
stream, family and friends still expect attention and society makes sure
you don’t forget its rules and expectations - And if you have children
or pets - they demand to get fed sometimes. Totally checking out is just
nearly impossible and I doubt that my friends and family or bank manager
would understand if I tried to explain it to them.
I have been very
fortunate to have a friend who has been through the whole ordeal and
thankfully survived the experience. It’s been wonderful to have somebody
to offload some off my thoughts to, laugh with when it all becomes too
much and somebody who totally understands how incredible dark and bleak
your day and entire future sometimes seem.
- Just to have
somebody in your life that don’t tell you to pull yourself together and
don’t think you are a lazy raving mad person, is very fortunate.
I wish everybody
had somebody like my friend in their lives - but I know most don’t. Many
have nobody to turn to - or at least so it seems.
Biotherapist, I do have clients with issues that can only be explained
as DNS and all of them feel so alone. Maybe more openness would save the
lives of many who commit suicide or many who are forced on heavy
medication or admitted to mental institutions by their doctors - all
this due to lack of knowledge of Dark Night of the Soul by themselves,
family, friend and not least, the medical profession.
DNS are viewed
and treated by doctors as a mere depression and treated accordingly. DNS
is so much more than that - and has to be acknowledged and respected as
such. Failing to do so can have serious and even deadly consequences.
Therefore I wish there would be more openness about the subject, more
websites and maybe even chat groups online.
So what may some
of the tools of the pit be? I think the first step forward is to
actually accept the situation - which is a bit easier to do when you
know there is a REASON for feeling to low and exhausted. We need to stop
living in denial about our lives and see it for what it really is and
stop pretending that our life is something its obviously not.
Then we need to
accept - like it or not - that the Dark Night is here to stay until one
day we have passed the exams and finished our journey. It will not
disappear in thin air - not even if we burry our head in the ground like
an ostrich and wish it gone. The only thing we can be sure of that it
will just get harder and harder. The low vibration and energy will just
amplify and make a seemingly hopeless situation seem even worse.
So after we have
stopped living in denial, what can we do?
We need to start
dealing with the hand we have been dealt. If God gives you a bunch of
bitter unripe lemons then that’s what you got. It’s no good wishing for
a pound of sweet oranges - You will not get the oranges - you are in the
pit remember!. So it’s up to you to decide whether you want to start
making lemonade or keep moaning about not having any oranges.
getting the best out of the situation, and shifting your negative
attitude around to a more positive. That will shift your vibrations and
frequency and stop the down going spiral of negative events and
thoughts. It probably will be difficult to do but fake the positive view
until you make it. It’s all about energy and how to shift it. This could
be a first powerful step. Even tough the concept is hard to grasp whilst
being in the Pit - a pancake always have 2 sides no matter how flat you
make it. Somewhere there must be a positive side to this very difficult
time. It’s just a matter of turning that pancake before it burns to the
What would be a
good tool in the ”Real world” does not work in the Pit. It is a
totally different ballgame. One example is the universal laws explained
in ”The Secret” and most other new age books (should really be called
old age books)
The thoughts that
you can create your future and whatever you can visualize, you can
attract into your life. Fantastic, wonderful, exciting……but GUESS WHAT.
IT DOESN’T WORK IN THE PIT!
You can sit there
visualizing until your face turns green. Nothing will happen! NOTHING!
Your will and
desires are not important now and will not be materialized…it’s a case
of getting want you need instead of what you want. The universe will not
allow anything to interrupt the process. So forget all about the long
awaited boyfriend, the perfect job, the new house!
And the more
desperate you are, the more elusive it will be. It’s like holding on to
a bar of soap. The more you more you hold on, the quicker it will slip
out of your hands.
In the pit, we
need to let go of our pre conceived idea of what we want and the
desperation we often show in getting things, friendships and
It’s all about
your journey towards higher consciousness..the new boyfriend has to
We need to learn
to live in the moment and make ourselves our own best friend - and god
forbid - maybe even love ourselves. Often easier said than done,
I have read that
some American Indian Tribes sees DNS as an amazing spiritual time. The
tribes acknowledge the inner work involved in this process and spiritual
importance. They celebrate this spiritual opportunity to enter a place
of creation, manifestations and possibilities
So maybe we
should learn from them and change our perspective. Maybe we should also
celebrate and embrace the whole experience? Instead of just surviving
and getting by the best we learned, we should send out invitation card
You are invited to a big Dark Night of the Soul Party
Place: The Pit.
PS. Bring your own lemons, torch and blanket.
Maybe changing the perception of
the situation is the first small step to shift the heavy depressing
energy and misery. We need to learn to accept, embrace and not least
celebrate ourselves and the courage we have shown in taking this first
step into the Dark Night.
For what is also
said, it that it’s your soul that has decided to do it. Nobody forced it
upon you. So there is nobody to blame the lack of progress and the
lessons in the pit.
maybe we can make the Lemons taste less bitter. Just fake it until you
make it…because one day you can make it taste like lovely hot warm
chocolate with cream - and that’s the day your lemon days are over. A
truckload of the sweetest oranges will be delivered to your door and DNS
will just be a weird distant memory.
I am sure God
appreciate this party approach - When he does send out the invitation to
join the REAL party we will be in good party form. I don’t think he will
appreciate a bunch of half dead zombies with lemon intolerance at his
I wish I could say that I am
already in that party place. But the truth is that I am not the
brightest knife in the spiritual drawer. I don’t know how long I will be
sitting in darkness sipping my bitter lemon drink. I can only pray that
I do get IT and acquire some of the tools this supposedly amazing place
has to offer. I am not a competitive person so I am happy to let Mother
Theresa keep her 50 years Pit Stop record. Honestly, I don’t think I
would survive 50 yrs more but at least I wouldn’t die of scurvy.
Yesterday I was
listening to the lyrics of “Amazing Grace” and read the story of the
author John Newton. Apparently, his youth was marked by religious
confusion, a lack of moral, self control and discipline but his
spiritual life changed during a life threatening experience on board a
ship during a violent storm. He later admitted that this experience had
made him realize his helplessness and concluded that only the grace of
God could save him. From that moment on his life changed and later
became ordained and was inspired to write the poem “Amazing Grace”. What
inspires me in this story is how a situation, that at the time seems
devastating, actually is the start of fantastic inspiration and
I do feel I have
been in a serious storm, my ship is in 1000 pieces and that I am just
hanging on by the tip of my fingers - only minutes away from drowning.
All I can do now
is to sit (or tread water) and wait for God to providing me with some
batteries for my torch so I can experience MY Amazing Grace.
If I don’t come
out of this experience being transformed into some genius with divine
inspiration, then at least I can publish a cook book - “1000 ways to use
All the best on
Ps If I do turn into some genius
with divine inspiration, I will promise to come back with a part 2 -
watch this space!