Children And Religion


 

 

These were written by children and have not been retouched or corrected, the bad spelling has been left in. 

 
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In the first book of the Bible, Guinness's, God got tired of creating the world so he took the Sabbath off. 
 
Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. 
 
Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark because Noah built the ark, which the animals came to in pears. 
 
Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day and a ball of fire by night. 
 
The Jews were a proud people and throughout history they had trouble with unsympathetic Genitals. 
 
Samson was a strong man who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. 
 
Samson slew the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. 
 
Moses led the Hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleaven
ed bread, which is bread without any ingredients.  The Egyptians were drowned in the dessert. 
 
Afterwards, Moses went up to Mount Cyanide to find the Ten Amendments. 

The first commandment was when Eve told Adam to eat the apple. 
 
The seventh commandment is "Thou shalt not admit adultery." 
 
Moses died before he reached Canada.  Then Joshua led the Hebrews in the Battle of Geritol. 
 
David was a Hebrew king skilled at playing the liar.  He fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. 
 
Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. 
 
When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. 
 
Then the three Wise Guys from the East arrived and found Jesus in the manager. 
 
Jesus was born because Mary had an Immaculate Contraption.

St. John, the blacksmith, dumped water on his head. 
 
Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says do one to others before they
do one to you. 
 
It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. 
 
The people who followed Jesus were called the 12 Decibels. 
 
The epistles were the wives of the apostles. 

One of the opossums was St. Matthew who was also a taxi man. 
 
St. Paul cavorted to Christianity.  He preached the holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. 
 
A Christian should have only one spouse.  This is called monotony.

 

 

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